God Ordained Families

On the second Sunday of November, Orphan Sunday,  much is said regarding the plight of the orphan.  There are statistics showing the overwhelming number of orphans in the world and stories about the individual child who has beat the odds and been adopted into a loving home.

There are articles that describe both the pain and the joy that come with adoption, along with the angst of adoptive mothers or fathers who have wrestled with the pros and cons and are undecided on how their child will eventually feel about their own grafting into a family.

Our own family has adopted 3 times and I have gone through some of the darkest seasons of my soul. I have witnessed a child self destruct and pull down his family in the process. I have seen the untold battles, no, the wars which left gaping wounds. I have wondered, "God, how will this turn out? Will we survive?"

As president of a nonprofit which advocates for orphans and adoption, I am saddened when parents become "real" and state that they are not sure adoption is the answer to the problem of children who are without a family to care for them. This may seem counter-intuitive considering what we have been through, but I believe these are two very separate things. Children from hard places, children who have been through trauma need stable families.

Imagine the 3 year old abandoned in a foreign country. Or imagine the 5 year old who daily feels the neglect left by drug addicted parents. Now, imagine these children as teenagers after spending 10+ years in this state of turmoil, loss, and emotional darkness. There was no one who stepped into their chaos. No one who stepped into their mess.

Regarding my children, one would have been pushed out of state institutional care to fend for himself at 14. One would be sent to an institution for the disabled to live the rest of their life. One would end up lost, addicted and repeating the abuse cycle.

How do I know this? I guess I don't with 100% certainty, but the statistics bear this out.  A child who is not shown love and does not know the safety of a family is certain to live a life of pain.

So, how do we reconcile the facts? How do we approach adoption knowing that children, if they had a choice, might not choose a new family knowing they would have to give up blood, culture, language? I think we look to God, the author of adoption, the creator of families and ask "What has He ordained?" 

• Was it God or I who put adoption in my heart? 
• Was it God or I who showed me the boy half way across the world? 
• Was it God or I who gave me experiences with pain so I would know what she felt? 
• Was it God or I who put compassion in my heart to see what He saw? 
• Was it God or I who made me fall in love with a sheet of facts (not even a picture)? 
• Was it God or I who woke me up at night knowing there was a child crying out for a mommy?

IT WAS NOT ME, and I'm so glad it wasn't, because if it had been me, I would have given up! I would have run away! I would have thought maybe adoption wasn't the answer, maybe this child would have done o.k. in foster care, or in an institution, or in an abusive home!

If I could tell you one thing about adoption it is this: It is a God ordained way to put a child right where he wants them; just like birth. They don't choose, we don't choose. He does the choosing and to Him be the glory. Great things he has done!

Good, Good Father

Father's day was here and celebrated. All the wonderful photos of dads with young kids or adults with aging dads. I shared a picture of my husband with my son, himself a dad of two young children, who is one of seven. But there are many people who don't have a good father image to post.  Their father wasn't very involved in their life or maybe he was absent altogether.  I have heard that it is harder to accept a loving heavenly father when the earthly one left a lot to be desired. I can understand how this idea makes sense, yet God is such a great provider that it seems to me the lack of an earthly father would make it easier to run to the heavenly one. This notion comes from my husband's and my adoption experience.
    Two of our children, adopted from orphanages oversees, have no recollection of a mother or a father. I'm not sure what they were told as young children but because of a complete lack of a parent there was an intense longing for one. When introduced to me in a governmental office, my 7 year old son was hesitant and shy; however, when introduced to his dad "This is your daddy," He ran headlong into his arms surprising us all. This is how we need to respond to God.  Even those who may have a warped image of fatherhood must recognize the One who has come to get him and bring him home.
     Romans 8: 15 states You have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, "Abba, Father!" What were they fearing? Maybe chief among them was the fear of being left, deserted, abandoned. God the Father does none of these. In fact he has done the opposite: He sent Jesus to find us, carry us and deliver us safely to the father's presence.  Dwell on that picture a moment: the God of the universe is your Daddy who stands with open arms waiting for you to run into them.

Orphan Sunday

On this day when we recognize the lives of orphans and pray for a solution, I want to share some thoughts on my family's recent adoption of our 8 year old daughter from China.
1) God has, is and always will be in control of rescuing the orphan. Man plans his ways but the Lord directs his path. God is not interested in our heroic ideas he only wants humble willing hearts.
2) A fragile, scared child will react in various ways. Some will be on your radar and some will take you completely by surprise. As parents we need to not let the child know we may be horrified by something they've said or done.
3) God asks us to do hard things not because he wants us to struggle but because he is forming us into his likeness.
4) A medically fragile child will test you the same as a healthy child. We as parents need to be willing to look at the whole need of the child not just the physical.
5) Adoption Will always involve loss and sacrifice. Even in a bad situation, the child has bonds. We need to acknowledge these and let the child remember any positives even if they seem somewhat fantasized. How would we like to only have the horrible to remember?
6) Comparisons are not bad even if we as parents are on the short side. The child is processing ideas, relationships and feelings. In my daughters world sometimes American is not a welcoming place and Chinese food is better. Some days I feel this way too.
7) Many years from now the important things will be "did you love me enough to hold me while I walked a very difficult road?" And "did you believe in me?"

Sharing Our Most Recent Adoption Story

The Beautiful Mess

This post is not a feel good post and I probably won't purposely share except on those sites where other parents have felt called to adopt and know the risks and struggles of choosing to go where others don't and the possibility that there won't be a "happily ever after" this side of heaven. We chose to add another child to our full family, we chose to adopt an older child, we chose to say yes to a child with a severe handicap and we chose to go to the other side of the world. Because of this most people feel we have no reason to complain (it was our decision) and no reason to expect that others will help with anything other than prayers. (Sorry if I offended but that's the way it is) I write this post simply because most adoption posts show the ups without the downs. We all want to encourage adoption and so are careful not to show the cracks. I am an advocate for adoption and have always been careful to keep it positive but now I realize that it isn't right to show potential adoptive parents only the good. We love all our kids but as with all things, there is good and bad and if you are on the journey of adoption, it is harder to parent or take the leap if you feel alone. So this is one mom's account of the journey which was a little way from the ideal.

Both my husband and I felt unprepared before we left due to the special need our daughter has (brittle bones.) We didn't know what condition our daughter would be in when we met her, or if she would need medical care while we were in country. How would we toilet, bathe and transfer her with all the traveling? We took a big breath and got on that airplane.

Once we met our daughter, the stress and our doubts about our ability to parent this child increased. We never doubted our ability to love her; that was a given and immediate, however, once back at the hotel we began to notice that this "sweet girl" as noted on all her paperwork, had more issues than her medical need. She displayed multiple twitches and facial ticks. We reasoned that they could be due to the fact that she was in a room with severely developmentally disabled children and was mirroring what she saw. But they were so frequent that we could not rule out a neurological problem. We looked for signs the 2nd day that they weren't as severe as the previous day but might have been looking too hard. Along with this was the surprise we had that this new daughter had not been taught anything: not discipline, not manners, not self-control. The first week I was peed on, spit on, slapped, pinched and bit. If you've ever seen the movie "Helen Keller" you have an idea of what I mean.

Being "In country" and having a guide does not mean that you have an allie. We tried to share with our guide some of our doubts looking for reassurance, we even contacted our agency's facilitator who asked me if everything was all right? to which I replied that we were nervous. At this point we were on day 2 and in the middle of our adoption process at the governmental office. What could we do but forge ahead? Our guide either didn't understand our questions or was trying to avoid them (what was she to do?) At one point I told her we had to walk outside and couldn't stay in the hotel room. She asked why and I tried to explain about the twitching and the slapping but there was no response or advice. We hoped that when we visited the orphanage the next day we would understand more of where she came from and an explanation of some of her behaviors and this would help us with empathy and maybe an epiphany of some kind.

Our daughter seemed excited to go back to the orphanage even though the day was rainy and dreary. She led the way through the maze of halls and into the elevator. I remember being shocked at how run down the orphanage looked since it was built in 2000 and had been "state of the art." The floor tiles were chipped and there were cracks in the walls. Nothing could have prepared me for the room she led us to, the one she had called home for more than 2 years. There were about 15 children; some laying flat in wheelchairs that reclined, some in pens (sorry, I can't call them play pens) and a couple sitting or standing waiting to be fed. There was a lead nanny who spoke to us while 2 helpers shoveled food into the mouths of these very disabled children. All these children deserve families and were being cared for but all I could think of was Why did you place our daughter here??? I politely asked the question and was told she wouldn't have been safe from breaks if she had been in with more healthy children. My husband and I now understood her facial ticks and mannerisms to be learned behaviors but we both felt sick to our stomachs. There was no smiles or communications of familiarity between our daughter and any of the Ayis; she didn't want to share their lunch, only show us her crib and look for her friend.

We walked down a few more halls to a couple classrooms where some type of activity was being given to some of the more mildly disabled kids were. Her friend, a 15 year old boy came out to have a picture with her. Whether he was shy or uncomfortable I don't know but he only said hello and looked off into the distance as we took thier picture. There was no conversation between them though apparently they had been close enough for him to cry upon her leaving the home. We hope he was as a big brother to her but we will probably never know.

After another day of sightseeing, we were off to the airport to navigate cancelled flights, bus rides and pushy crowds despite our agency saying that we wouldn't have a repeat of our experience of 5 years ago (it was an exact replica except for the fact that this time I was carrying a handicapped child and praying I wouldn't drop her.) Once in a new city we hoped things would look up and we would have the chance to be with other adoptive families who could share our struggle. Our guides were again blasé about anything negative we tried to communicate. We did see other families at our medical appointment and the U.S. consulate with which we communicated our basic and common stories: where we were from, age of child, name of agency and that it was going o.k. But with the exception of one dad who had a crying boy attached to his leg and looked like he had been in a cat fight, the other families seemed to be bonding well.

Each day we saw slight improvements; there was a request for a hug or kiss or she would hold my hand as we wheeled her down the many streets.These would then be followed by a pinch, screach or spit when we told her no to something. We were thankful that medically she was doing well and we didn't have to use the splints or diapers we had brought. We were thankful that she was spunky and didn't let her bent legs stop her from scooting all around the hotel room. These traits would help her with all she was going to have to face in the coming weeks and months. Yet we mourned the loss of cuddles and the inability of her accepting us as authority figures. Even at one point shaking her head no to our "love you."

Now we are home and beginning to settle in. She was very excited to see her siblings whom she had been skyping with for 2 weeks. She took in the new home, dogs and all with a brave can-do attitude. She has still told me no and slapped me and we probably have a long road ahead of us both physically and emotionally. I guess my reason for posting is because our first international adoption was so positive and though we knew this would be different we were not prepared for what we saw as rejection. I expect that a year from now I will have more positives than negatives to share; however, I hope I have the courage to tell prospective parents the whole truth: adoption involves both beauty and sacrifice.

New Year-What Now?

Happy New Year. There is a lot to enjoy about a new year: a fresh page to write on, a clean slate, new possibilities. Yet most people don't know how to utilize their writing utensils; they expect the writing to be done as if by magic or they ask God to do the painting. While we should have the will of God in the forefront of whatever we endeavor, He expects us to use the pen he has given us. It's called living intentionally.

Intentional living is looking at goals and walking towards them. If you want to have kids that Love the Lord, you need to know what that looks like, what actions make it happen and then begin to do those things.
Do you want to live for God? Then you need to know him and his calling on your life. If you have felt compelled in your past to start a bible study, go on a mission trip or help the homeless but never took a step in that direction, you must do the things that will get you there: call your pastor, set aside money, take a class etc.

This could be the year you see God do amazing things. It will not be because he hasn't been doing them all along. It Will be because you are walking towards his plan.

Happy 2016!
Be The One to Live Intentionally.

Being Brave

Recently I was rereading the book Number The Stars to my sons when I noticed a parallel between the story and adoption. For those who haven't read it, the story is set in Denmark during the Nazi occupation. There are two families: one Jewish and their best friends who are not. The plot revolves around the Christian family trying to help the Jewish family escape. The young girl who is the main character asks her adult relatives many questions and she is told  "It is easier to be brave if you don't know everything."

This resonated with me because the same is true of adoption. If we knew all the facts of a child before we committed, we might never commit. It is good to go into an adoption with your eyes wide open and knowing as much as you can, but at some point you have to walk by faith and take a blind leap. I remember when I first called Dr. Number 1 ( a referral from someone) to look over our "potential" son's medical file. She reviewed the file and then gave me every worst case scenario concerning what the boy might require both medically and psychologically.  While I appreciated her honesty about all the unknowns, I quickly decided she wasn't the right doctor for me. I wanted someone who saw the possibilities in the child.

Having adopted before and having gone to countless trainings, I knew the negative consequences of living in a foreign orphanage or foster care. The problem is that there were so many unknowns and we couldn't prepare for all of them. I didn't believe God wanted us to know everything before saying "yes" to the child. We knew he was parent-less, we knew he had been in the orphanage for 5 plus years and we knew his medical diagnosis. Beyond these facts, we had to be Brave and pray that God was leading us and he would provide everything we would need.

The story ends with the young girl helping her friends avoid detection because she could not give away what she didn't know.  And our story?  Our son is healthy without any signs of the original diagnosis let alone imagined ones. 

Be The One to be Brave.

When Our Kids Mess Up

Over the last couple weeks one of our children fell into a sinful act on 2 occasions. I say fell because as far as I know it wasn't something that he was prone to or had been struggling with. I won't elaborate on the what but I will say it took my husband and I by surprise. It felt like we had been sucker punched and we were left speechless because it wasn't on our radar. So what were we to do; our normally compliant child had crossed over a few lines and their response to our "why?" was a typical, "I don't know."

So.... We aren't perfect parents raising perfect kids. Duh, we knew this but usually we feel we have a pretty good handle on things and it will all turn out o.k. in the end. But, what if our parenting results in kids who keep failing at what we are trying to teach them? What if we wake up every morning from now to retirement saying, "Maybe this will be the day it will be better?"

Searching for the answer I had to go back to what I know is true because the devil was trying so hard to tell me that this "adoption experiment" was failing. He was telling me that my husband and I, with our love, encouragement and discipline, had kids that fell. Luckily the bible is clear on a few things.

1. We all have fallen short of the glory of God. (Rom. 3:23)
Jesus said that anyone who breaks one of the laws is the same as if he broke the whole law. The kind of sin is not as important as what we do next. As parents who have fallen multiple times ourselves, we must let the child know that their actions are the result of a "sin" problem not the result of them being bad. They need to realize that this "sin" problem is why Jesus came into the world and died. They need to understand that Jesus is the answer to whatever "sin" problem they have.

2. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from All unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
We, as parents, need to make sure our kids understand that God has a plan for them and when they fall, they only need to repent in order to know forgiveness. They don't need to carry around the shame of their sin for the next 10 years. We parents need to remember that if God has forgiven and forgotten All of their acts, we must do no less. We have to move on; not being naive, but not dredging up a past event.

3. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. (Phil. 2:12)
All of us struggle with certain sin areas in our life. We may struggle with anger, pride, vanity, lying etc. The struggle is not the sin. We have a savior who is with us and who has overcome sin. Knowing your weakness is half the battle; the other half is the "working it out." I tell my children where they have strength and where they have weakness so they can prepare themselves for the next temptation that comes their way. Talk to your children when they are not in a time of struggle and let them know again that they are loved and you are praying for them, but it is up to them to work on these areas.

I have learned much recently about God. I knew that he was a Good Father and that his love has been rejected many times by those he loves, but I had forgotten that All of his chosen children, those of us who call ourselves "Christians" still Fall everyday. The good news is that we, like our children, will wake up one day and find that the struggle is over and that we are with Christ.

Be The One

Saving us from "Being Good."

Recently, I was at a convention where I had a booth for Be The One. I wanted to talk with people about the orphan crisis and share with them the need for adoptive families. I also wanted to encourage those who have taken the first steps and were looking onto adoption. I had many individuals stop by the booth to see what we did and many admitted that they had thought of adopting. Statistically, 30% of adults have thought about adoption, yet sadly only 1% follow through for various reasons. With all the conversations on that weekend, the saddest one occurred with a father of two children. When I asked if he had ever thought of adoption, he said very matter-of-factly, I have 2 children and "we're good." 

 Many people think they are good because they have all the trappings of a good life: marriage, children, job, church, friends. However, if we want to be honest about our Christianity and what we are called to do, it is not to be "good." In fact, Psalm 14:3 says "there is no one who does good, not even one."  Jesus calls us to live dangerously. (What else could "take up your cross and follow me mean?) Those of us who have stepped out in one way or another understand that we are not here for ourselves but for the other billions of people on this planet. Only God is good. We are called to be holy (set apart for a purpose) as Jesus is holy. This can only be accomplished if we are doing the purpose we have been called to. We can never be good if our only measuring tool is how full our life is of activities or even of blessings.

I know there are many people who are serving Christ in various ministries and I love hearing their stories as much as adoption stories because they are moving in the direction of becoming more like Jesus. What I dislike hearing is Christians thinking they're good when in fact they are standing still; not following the promptings of the Holy Spirit. If you have felt that nudging in a certain direction, I urge you to do more than "be good." I urge you to pray that the God who is good will lead you into the good purpose he has for you.

 Be The One


     

A Tale of Two Mailboxes

Accepting The Gift

I can not write this post without telling you what I think is one of the most disturbing things about giving gifts. Many people think of a gift as a "give me." They do not receive a "gift" as much as they acquire a "thing." What I mean is that when a person expects a gift and it's not quite what they thought it should be, their mind wanders to the idea that, "I can go exchange it and get something I really wanted. I know that I have been guilty of this in the past. We don't see the gift as a symbol of the love of the person behind it. It ceases to be a gift and becomes a requirement.

Just as bad is the thought by the giver that I will just get "anything" and if they don't like it, they can take it back. This usually happens when we don't know a person well or it seems they have everything.We feel pressure to buy something - anything. However, a gift is special because it is unwarranted and not required. It is presented to a person not for anything they have done but simply because the giver wanted to give. There is a joy in taking someone by surprise and giving knowing that nothing was done to deserve it.

So, I think you know where I am going with this.  In this Christmas season, there are many gifts given but the 1st Christmas there was only 1. God himself showed up and gifted us with his presence. He surprised us with unmerited favor. We did nothing to deserve it and he certainly didn't make this effort lightly thinking if we didn't want it, we could exchange it.  Friends, there is only 1 way. There is only 1 gift good enough. We might reject it but the gift is still given.

 What is your response?  Have you joyfully received it?  Have you opened it to know the wonderful love of the Father?  If not, why? It was sent just for you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I love the end of the year and the opportunity it gives us to look back and see all that God has done in our lives and through our lives. When we began Be The One two years ago, we were following the desire of God’s heart. The bible says, “I will not leave you as orphans…”  We believe that God is moving to bring children into families and thereby into a relationship with His son Jesus. It is a privilege to partner with God on this mission and I am so thankful when people respond to his prompting and give to Be The One.

Why do we work to bring children into forever families? Why do we tell our stories of adoption? Why do we give out grants to families on the journey to their child? It is only because of the One. 

The 1 who gives us life,

The 1 who sets us free,

The 1 who sacrificed everything,

The 1 who forgives us our sins,

The 1 who lavishes us with love and grace…… Jesus.

 When you know the mercy you have been shown, I mean really know it, then you will eagerly embrace the mission of helping others find that same grace and mercy. We would welcome any end of the year donation you feel called to give. All the money will be used to help bring another child home.

The Board of Be The One wishes you a Merry Christmas and a Joyous New year!

Mary Beth              Janice             Carol

            Sara                    Mary

                           

     

                                 NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY  NOV. 22, 2014


Why do we need an "Adoption Day?"  

1. To celebrate families who have grown their families through the adoption of a child.
2. To remind people of the millions of children still waiting in foster care and institutions worldwide.

Why celebrate?

1. Those who were without families now have families to call their own.
2. Families are given the privilege of sharing God's heart for the  orphan.

How do we celebrate?

1. We share our stories: the good and the bad.
2. We encourage those on the journey of adoption.

In the New Testament Jesus is often heard to say truly, truly... or verily, verily... He does this to emphasize that something he is saying is very important. He is telling us to pay attention and listen up.
When I talk to individuals about adoption, I want to say these same words.

       Truly, truly.... there are millions of children in need of families
     
       Truly, truly.... they don't care how old you are, what color your skin is, how much you make     or what kind of home you live in.
      
       Truly, truly..... families just like you: those with fears and doubts, trust God and begin the journey not knowing how the end will turn out.
         
        Truly, truly... God cares for the orphan and is using Christians everywhere to bring his children HOME!

Pay attention.......      Listen up........     Open your eyes......    And your hearts.....

                                 BE THE ONE

We All Have Scars

 I finally had the chance to see the movie "Raggamuffin" which tells the story of Rich Mullins, a phenomenal Christian song writer who struggled with himself and his past. At one point he was talking about not being afraid to have scars and it got me thinking. Most of us have scars both physical and emotional. We have tried things and failed, or we are struggling with our past, or we have a thought pattern that we can't shake. We know we can't be perfect and that everyone struggles; yet, we hide our scars, (our shortcomings) and pretend that things are good, or that we have gotten past something, or that we may be in a difficult situation now but we will get through it soon.

As I was thinking of this God reminded me that Jesus didn't hide his scars, in fact he showed them as proof that he was Jesus and that he had struggled. In two of the gospels he shows his scars. Now, why would he do this when I'm sure his words could have sufficed? I think one reason his scars were resurrected with him is because "by his wounds we are healed" (emphasis mine). He is identifying with our humanity   Because of His obedience to God which resulted in the scars he wore, we were given a new life. The scars are the testament that He overcame.

Our own scars can have the same testimony if we let them. Yes, we struggled. Yes, we fell. Yes, something didn't turn out the way it was supposed to, BUT, through the help of what Jesus did for us and the work of the Holy Spirit, we overcame. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

So, don't hide your scars, show them to others who are struggling. Let them know that Christians have problems too. The bible tells us to confess our faults to one another. This is not so we won't feel guilty anymore. It is to help those who still struggle. Who can understand the temptation of alcohol but an alcoholic? Who can know the pain of having a wayward child but another parent whose child has turned their back on them? I can't count the number of times that friends have encouraged me by sharing their own personal struggles. Showing our scars helps others to realize that they too can overcome whatever trial they are now facing.

When we show our scars, we help others heal. Ironically awesome isn't it?

Daddy Love

A dad is many things to his family: a financial provider, a fan, a hero, and in our home, the one who provides the fun. I appreciate all the roles my husband plays in our lives and have enjoyed many moments watching him with our children; yet, if I had to pick some of my husband's greatest moments, they would include watching him "fall in love" with each of his children.

The first two children who came along were born in a hospital. With these, both boys, the "falling" happened in a hospital room when a nurse brought the baby in from somwhere they had taken him. There was a slow realization of what the bundle held and then his face would go soft and his eyes would glow. He was hooked.

The next two children were born in a birthing center. There our daughters were immediately given to me and my husband was allowed to help clean, weigh and wrap them. Then came the "look" of being handed a precious gift. It was as if there were only the two of them in the room and he had only the little face to adore.

The last two children came to us through adoption and I wondered if I'd see the "look." The first little boy came to us at the age of three. He was with another set of foster parents and we had gone to meet him (an intro. before he was placed with us). As we walked beside him letting him pedal his tricycle, stopping every few feet to point out a truck, I again saw the look of love come over my husband's face. A love mixed with wonder (How do you fall in love with a child you have just met?) The last time we added to our family, we were in another country half way around the world. We were in a conference room with five strangers plus our guide. I didn't see my husband's initial reaction because I was rivited on the young 7yr old standing in the doorway. It wasn't until I stepped aside (the boy wasn't particularly interested in me) and said, "this is your daddy," that I turned my attention to my spouse. As quick as lightening, our newst son had raced toward daddy and flung his arms around his neck. There it was again: the "look" as strong as ever.

So what makes a man a father? He should provide, protect and lead his family, but most important is his willingness to fall in love.

Are We Twisted?

I know this is a weird title but my other one (are you a pervert?) was worse. Before you  hit the x, let me explain my choice of verbiage.  I was reading Matthew 17:17 and read this, "Jesus replied, O unbelieving and perverse generation!"  God had wonderful things planned for his chosen people. He had even equipped his disciples to go out proclaim the good news and heal. And when they are unable to perform a miracle, he calls the generation "unbelieving" and "perverse." Hmmm....

Perversion is taking something and using it for something not intended - twisting it into something that isn't beneficial. i.e. perverting justice by twisting a law to fit your need. We might expect Jesus to call the pharisees perverse, or maybe the tax collectors after all they used religion or the government to take care of themselves at the expense of others. Jesus, however, was talking to a crowd of people one of whom was a father who had taken his son to the disciples to be healed. He takes unbelief and links the word perverse with it. Was he telling us that unbelief is something twisted? 

If God has called us to do something or has allowed us to see a plan for our life and we don't move forward are we acting in unbelief? If we know the bible says he will heal, or he will provide and we become discouraged because it's not evident yet, are we unbelieving? And if we choose to believe that maybe God really doesn't want us to be healed or that we can't do something he's called us to do, are we perverting something? Are we twisting something God has promised us simply because we can't yet see it with our eyes.

There are many believers today who are walking around with a twisted faith. They believe that Jesus died, rose from the dead and imparted his Spirit, yet they won't believe the good plans he has for them or that he is willing to provide for their every need: physical, emotional and spiritual. Friends, God has great things for us to do and yet we may never do them unless we unbend and believe.

Any Run is a Good Run

   
 I've run 3x this week, all very different runs, yet each one was a Good run. The first run was difficult and I felt like I was just plodding along; going through the motions but not getting anywhere fast. The second was a race where I pushed myself to get to a goal in which I felt victorious. The third was an enjoyable run where I didn't feel the need to do anything but enjoy being outside. My legs felt strong and I was running without thinking about running.
     Life is a lot like these runs (yes, I compare most things in life with running because it's such a good analogy). Sometimes we feel like we are just plodding along. We don't feel like we are accomplishing anything and maybe like we should just stop and go back home; maybe leave the running to those who look good in bright colors. Other days we feel as if we were in a race (maybe a battle?). We have to push ourselves hard to get to the finish. We play a recording in our heads of "I think I can, I think I can," or maybe as I do, we just count our steps 1,2,3,4,5.... until the end is in sight. Then there are those days when life seems easy and we feel as if we know what we are doing. We are on auto-pilot enjoying the scenery. There are no bumps in the road and we make it to the end feeling accomplished.
     So, how can all these runs be Good runs?  The answer is simple: I was going forward - I didn't stop even though I felt like it and I didn't turn around and go home. You see I've convinced myself that it doesn't matter how I feel, what counts is that I am taking the next step. Some steps are easy, some are not, but every step gets me closer to where I'm going. In life, we are all going to have great days where it's easy to move and we relish the tasks in front of us, but we shouldn't be surprised when these days are followed by the mundane or often by those times when we feel we are running for our lives. Breathe in - breathe out. Right leg - left leg. Chin up - look where you are going. And remember, others are watching you and following.

Heb. 12:12-13 "Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

Foolishness or Hope?

 

   I've been reading a book, an expose, which I didn't really want to read because I knew it would make me mad. I read it because I felt I needed to know what those on the "other side" of the adoption debate thought about the kids and the process and the remedy. As I read, I kept looking for what the author's view point was and where she was coming from and then I spotted it. In the third chapter a sentence which I feel summed up why "orphan ministry" may be hard for some to put their arms around. The author states that she could never accept a theology where one person has to suffer for the happiness of another. She, of course, was talking about a birth mother suffering to bring happiness to the adoptive family. As I read this I couldn't help thinking that the theology she can't accept is someone being forced to suffer, yet I do not believe that most adoptions result from a force of one person's will on another but a set of circumstances which lead to a decision. It is the decision which brings both grief and joy.
    
    The circumstances for adoption are varied and cover the whole spectrum of life from a frightened pregnant teen-ager, to a poverty stricken woman; from an addicted parent, to a governmental family planning policy. And while we would like to right all of these wrongs, it is not possible.  Sometimes the decision to place a child for adoption is solely a personal one; however sometimes the decision is made not by the individual but by the government or social services. There is also the instances where parents in other cultures have unknowingly severed their parental rights or have had their children stolen from them. While we don't want to advocate a solution in which parents feel pressured into adoption, we also don't want children who have no guardian to be ignored.  It is a sad fact that most of the world's orphans will never have the chance to be a part of a family; yet if we throw up our hands we are ignoring those who can be adopted.
 
    I think what really bothered me about this expose was that it highlighted all the problems of adoption but offered no solutions. It advocated keeping children in their own country and letting agencies minister to the families. This is understandable; however according to her own research, this seems to be how most adoption programs have started: a church reaches out to the community and provides help for children who are without help, these children then need to find a home, the church uses whatever contacts it has to try and find a home which sometimes results in the child being adopted out of country. This process escalates as more parents see the ministry as a way out of poverty for their children and more adoption agencies become involved. Is there a way to break this cycle? What about when disaster strikes a destitute country such as Haiti or Sudan? Adoption is not the only answer, but it is part of the answer.

   The Christian faith is built upon the One who suffered the cross so that all might have a new beginning: a new life in him. It was not a forced decision but a loving decision based upon our need for a relationship with our heavenly Father. This message is foolishness to those who are perishing. In the same way, adoption of a child from the other side of the world also appears foolish and to some criminal.  Any time we step forward and begin to walk down an unknown path we will face disapproval. As Nehemiah found out, if someone doesn't like what you are doing, they will ridicule you, slander you, fight you and make you think they have the same goal as you, but in the end it is the one whose cause is just that will prevail. 

                  Be The One

The Fight Over Adoption

 

    Did you know there was a fight? If you are in the adoption community, you are probably aware that lately there have been numerous articles, documentaries and commentaries dealing with abuses in adoption. It seems as if the whole idea of adoption is under fire. In just a few decades adoption has gone from being a way for childless couples to have children to helping children who are stuck in foster care or institutions, and for some reason, this second ideology is unacceptable to many.

     While no one can dismiss that there are abuses in adoption as with any social undertaking (welfare, long-term care, prisons), the idea that more than 13,000,000 children living in institutions could be better served through giving money to provide the country with a type of welfare is absurd. Children are orphaned for many reasons and therefore the solution to the astronomical number of orphans needs to include numerous options including adoption.

     An an advocate for adoption, I don't believe that adoption is the answer for all situations, nor would I urge all couples to adopt. I support programs that provide relief for those in poverty. I also support programs which go into orphanages and provide for those who will never be adopted. I don't pretend to know what is best for all children considered orphaned; however, I do know that every child deserves the chance to know the love of a family. Every child deserves the chance to be held, sung to, told that they are "loved  to the moon," and given the chance to dream.

     So, how should we answer those who are now casting adoption as an evil at worst and a misguided sense of charity at best?  We share our story. We tell them of the son who said  "thank you momma" every night because he was taken outside to see the stars. We tell them of the smile we got when our child had the strength to pedal a bike by himself. We tell them of the note written at thanksgiving which simply stated, "thank you for saving me." And at the end of the day, we don't really need to give an answer to anyone besides the one who made us.

                                  Be The One

Living Intentionally

I Love New Years! There is something very inspiring about getting to start over with all sorts of new possibilities. I look back at past years and think, "I had no idea on January 1st that we would be foster parents, or that we would be waiting to go to China or that I would run 13.1 miles." So on this January 1st, I get to imagine what God might do through me in the next 12 months and get excited.

That being said, I know that most things don't just happen without some intentional living. None of the above would have happened if I hadn't been looking for what God was prompting me to do. If we want to get healthier, raise children who love Jesus, or see more children adopted, then we have to plan for it. Intentional living means knowing what you want the end to look like and beginning the process by taking the steps needed to get there.

Have you ever felt the Lord directing you towards adoption? January is a great month to begin looking for adoption seminars. Find an adoption agency in your area and make a call. Check out a book from the library on the subject. It doesn't matter so much what you do, just do something. "A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his footsteps."  This is a bible verse I learned many years ago and always serves to remind me that if I am living for God, he will direct me in the way I need to go. The only way I can mess up is not to go anywhere.

Jesus told a parable about a master who went on a trip and gave talents to his three servants. When the master returned, he commended the two who had done something with their talents, but the one who had hid his gift was declared "wicked and lazy." You see, God expects us to do something with what he gives us. Not using our gifts is equated to burying it. Basically, if you are not living the life God has for you, you are dead. You might as well be buried with your good intentions.

Right now, think of what God has laid on your heart and take a step in that direction.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

How was your holiday? Were you slightly disappointed because you didn't get something? Did you feel a bit ignored by someone or were annoyed by someone in your family or something that didn't turn out quite right i.e. Christmas dinner? Now that the big day is behind us, let's look at it with a little more perspective.
          Were you fed a good meal?      Were you warm?  
             Did you have someone give you a hug and tell you they loved you? 
Well then, you had a great day. So many children don't have these luxuries, yes I will call them that because feeling full, warm and loved is not basic in an orphanage.

Many of these children wait not because they have severe physical or emotional needs but because they are unseen. It is not easy to look at them and think about them; it is much easier to turn away. Maybe you aren't in a situation where you can adopt or maybe you have a different cause that you support so you skim over the topic and hope someone else will do something. Let me encourage you that you can do something. Please consider doing one of the following 4.

You can pray for these children that they will find their families.
You can talk about these children and share their pictures enabling them to be seen by others.
You can give money so that a family can adopt.
You can take that first step on the journey and walk into adoption. God will show you the next step and the one after that.

I feel blessed in this season because I have family, but mostly because I have a God who cared enough to send me a savior and adopt me into His family. Wishing that you may know the love of the Father this beautiful time of year.