There are articles that describe both the pain and the joy that come with adoption, along with the angst of adoptive mothers or fathers who have wrestled with the pros and cons and are undecided on how their child will eventually feel about their own grafting into a family.
Our own family has adopted 3 times and I have gone through some of the darkest seasons of my soul. I have witnessed a child self destruct and pull down his family in the process. I have seen the untold battles, no, the wars which left gaping wounds. I have wondered, "God, how will this turn out? Will we survive?"
As president of a nonprofit which advocates for orphans and adoption, I am saddened when parents become "real" and state that they are not sure adoption is the answer to the problem of children who are without a family to care for them. This may seem counter-intuitive considering what we have been through, but I believe these are two very separate things. Children from hard places, children who have been through trauma need stable families.
Imagine the 3 year old abandoned in a foreign country. Or imagine the 5 year old who daily feels the neglect left by drug addicted parents. Now, imagine these children as teenagers after spending 10+ years in this state of turmoil, loss, and emotional darkness. There was no one who stepped into their chaos. No one who stepped into their mess.
Regarding my children, one would have been pushed out of state institutional care to fend for himself at 14. One would be sent to an institution for the disabled to live the rest of their life. One would end up lost, addicted and repeating the abuse cycle.
How do I know this? I guess I don't with 100% certainty, but the statistics bear this out. A child who is not shown love and does not know the safety of a family is certain to live a life of pain.
So, how do we reconcile the facts? How do we approach adoption knowing that children, if they had a choice, might not choose a new family knowing they would have to give up blood, culture, language? I think we look to God, the author of adoption, the creator of families and ask "What has He ordained?"
- Was it God or I who put adoption in my heart?
- Was it God or I who showed me the boy half way across the world?
- Was it God or I who gave me experiences with pain so I would know what she felt?
- Was it God or I who put compassion in my heart to see what He saw?
- Was it God or I who made me fall in love with a sheet of facts (not even a picture)?
- Was it God or I who woke me up at night knowing there was a child crying out for a mommy?
IT WAS NOT ME, and I'm so glad it wasn't, because if it had been me, I would have given up! I would have run away! I would have thought maybe adoption wasn't the answer, maybe this child would have done o.k. in foster care, or in an institution, or in an abusive home!
If I could tell you one thing about adoption it is this: It is a God ordained way to put a child right where he wants them; just like birth. They don't choose, we don't choose. He does the choosing and to Him be the glory. Great things he has done!
